White Gardenias
by Sopphia
Summary: Jessie and Katie, AU. Please review!
1. Prologue

**Title: WHITE GARDENIAS**

**Pairing:** J/K obviously!

**Rating:** NC-17. Yeah it´s gonna get ugly

**Feedback:** that would be great, thank you!

**Author´s notes:** English´s not my first language, so excuse my mistakes and if something sounds weird. Don´t know how many parts it´s gonna be, althought I have the whole story planned. Don´t know when I´ll be able to update, I´ll try soon-ish. So, on with the fic... this just a short short prologue… it´ll get longer and better, hopefully…

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

**PROLOGUE**

It all went downhill at some point. She didn´t know when it started exactly. Was it after her first important photoshoot? Was it inmediatly after she moved to Los Angeles ? Or was it much, much earlier, before the spotlight fell on her? But really, who cares when it began? What matters is how to stop. Was she capable of stopping, somehow? And more importantly, did she even want to anymore? Katie guessed she just wasn´t prepared for this life.

"Hey Katie! What are you doing there? Come dance with us!"

"Oh I´m just getting a bit more champagne in my veins. You know, it´s never enough!"

"Come on, hermosa!" the tall, latino boy said, and just grabbed her arm and led her into the multitude. The other boy was blonde, hazel eyed, bronzed. Really good looking, you could say. She met them both in some vip fashion gala the week before, and they were hitting on her since then. Damn sure, one of them was gonna get lucky tonight. _Or maybe both, who knows these days?_, thought Katie with a malicious smirk.


	2. No reaction

**Title: WHITE GARDENIAS**

**Pairing:** J/K obviously!

**Rating:** NC-17. Yeah it´s gonna get ugly

**Feedback:** that would be great, thank you!

**Author´s notes:** so, first chapter. A bit shorter than I intended, but I wanted to post something new. Enjoy!

**Chapter 1: No reaction **

"Guys, guys…please… it´s rehearsal time" said a man in his early thirties, holding an electric guitar. The rest of the group were lying on the floor, laughing loudly, cans of beer in their hands, pupils glazed over. There was a pile of empty cans in a corner.

"We have a fucking concert tonight!", he insisted, and turned on a light.

"Oh, come on, come here for a bit…"

"I´m sick of this! Fuck you! Fuck you all!", he yelled, dropping the guitar with a loud clash.

More hysterical laughter.

"We need some girls… get us some and I´ll play for you!" one of the boys on the floor yelled back.

He couldn´t take it anymore. Taking long, furious steps, he went out of the rehearsal room and lit a cigarette, trying to calm his nerves. He wasn´t alone. There was a very blonde, very skinny girl in the corridor, with a thoughtful look.

"Jessica"

"Mmm?"

Her eyes were distant. But she turned to him and gave him her full attention.

"I´m sorry to say this..."

"It´s okay, just say it"

"I know it´s your brother, but… the others too… they´re going to ruin this. They don´t deserve you"

"Really? And who deserves me then?" she said, with no anger in her voice.

"You could really just drop all of this and have a career, a great one... on your own… I could…"

"Not again, Mike, please…"

"But you know you´re the real talent here! And they´re disrespecting you!"

"Mike…", she said, her voice barely above a whisper

The man tried to stop yelling, and stared at the floor for a moment.

"I´m really worried about…", she paused, uncertain.

"Your brother", he completed.

A tear went down her cheek, and she quicky wipped it with her sleeve, as if feeling ashamed of her fragility.

"Eli takes his own decitions. And I think it´s time for you to leave him"

"Hey… hey…" putting a pale hand on his face, she tried to wake him up. "We have just two hours…". No reaction. The clock was ticking away, and no reaction. They really couldn´t miss this concert. Having already failed their fans a bunch of times, people were starting to speculate. The press was avid for news. There have already been printed magazines covers about the main guitarrist being a womanizer and an alcoholic, and about the crazy standards of Jessica, the singer, who seemed to reject time after time all the hot guys of the season. A crazy diva, so bitchy! An plus, probably an anorexic one. There were even rumors of her being sick since her early teens. Familiar tragedy? Maybe. All in all, they didn´t need to add substance abuse to their track records.

"Jessie?". At last.

"Yeah, it´s me. Come on, get up!"

"Where are the guys?"

"They´re already getting ready"

He incorporated, and inmediatly his fingers went to his jeans, looking for his pack of parliaments. Jessie stood up, going for the door. She hesitated once. She opened her mouth, about to speak. But what could she say? What could she possibly say? They have just started, but they were already losing it all.

Later that night, backstage, Michael watch the band performing. They sounded good. But they could sound better. _Much better_.He knew it was a mistake that contract with the whole band, but the singer, Jessica, wouldn´t accept it any other way. _What a voice_, he thought, remembering the first time he heard it. She would be a great solist, and she didn´t need to be surrounded by these losers. Although he had to admit, Elias had some talent for lyrics, and he could be a good songwriter, a good musician…if he just changed his ways. Anyways, Michael was just interested in one thing, and that was the perfect voice of that girl. _And she´s so pretty. She could sell so well_. The band´s material wasn´t exactly mainstream, but somehow they have managed to top all the charts… _And I know exactly who´s behind this success_. _Oh yes, I know. _It was an idea that he couldn´t leave alone.

"What do you want to listen, California !!!" the bassist yelled. He had an extra microphone, but he didn´t sing. He just was in charge of interactions with the public and such, because Jessica just couldn´t do that. She was too shy. If she was able to be at a stage at all, it was probably because she fell into a state of absolute concentration when she sang. She couldn´t afford to be distracted, because then she would take notice of all the eyes staring adoringly, desperately, hungry… at and for her, and she would panic.

But nobody panicked that night. It was good concert, with some really good music. And Jessie smiled all through the last song.

A rare sight.

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_Oh my god. My head is about to explode for real, _thoughtKatie, as she woke up with a hangover from hell. There was warm light streaming through some curtains. _And I don´t have curtains at my place. Where I am now?_, she tried adjusting her eyes enough, and found herself in a big bedroom with a circular bed that occupied most of it. She was lying naked in the middle of it, with just a translucent white sheet covering her. Putting her feet on the ground, she tried looking for some of her clothes… and just then, a dark-haired figure stepped in the room, smiling. He was still wet from the shower, a towel hugging his hips. "Breakfast? Or would you rather go?". Of course, the latino boy. Diego. At least she could remember his name… for once.


	3. Insomnia

**Title: ****WHITE GARDENIAS**

**Pairing:** J/K obviously!

**Rating:** NC-17. Yeah it´s gonna get ugly

**Feedback:** more please! I´d like to know if my writing is not too bad (as I said before, English´s not my first language)

**Disclamer:** Don´t own anything

**Chapter 2: Insomnia**

Looking out the big windows of her apartment, Katie reflected upon the inmense vacuousness that was her life. In her right hand, there was a glass with some transparent beverage. It wasn´t water, of course. She gulped it, forcing the fluid into her nineteen year-old body. She was feeding both her body and her soul. Why was she so hopeless about future? She tried to dismissed the feeling. After all, she had everything to look forward. Or so they said the people of her agency. ´The next Giselle Budchen´, they called her. Her career was short but explosive, and she had landed the best deals. One year ago, she was another aimless college drop-out, until her luck suddenly turned around. It was just a casuality. An employee from this big modeling agency ´discovered´ her while she was out in the street, and she had in front of her the possibility of making money in exchange of very little effort. It was never her dream, something like this… but her parents had cut her all economic support after she decided to stop her education, and so she really needed to work. She felt so stupid doing this, but she saw it at a one-time thing. But then she started to have fun. Lots of fun. The downside of this was, the cameras when on her. All of her fun was recorded and sold to the world. And so she was this fantasy in people head, the beautiful girl who had the best time everywhere, all the time. The scandalous hot mess of every tabloid and blog. It was so surreal, and she didn´t ask for any of it. What did she asked then? _I don´t know what I want in life_. It was a scary thought.

Her cellphone ringed, bringing Katie out of her stupor.

"Hey Tad"

"Hey sweety. Are you coming tonight?"

"Why not, of course I´m going" she answered with an eager voice. Tad wasn´t so bad. He was the son of a high-profile hollywood actor, and was making his way in acting himself. Maybe he would make it, because although he wasn´t very bright, he was so very good-looking. When they have first met, Katie just wanted to go home with him. There was a slight problem, however: she soon found out about his homosexuality, but was asked to keep it a secret. Since then, she had stop seeing him as a possible conquest, and he slowly became the closest thing to a friend she had have in a long time. Making friends was difficult for her. The real ones, of course. She had a lot of ´friends´ who were more than willing to hang with her. To drink with her. To get high with her. And that was it. As long as she kept that attitude, everything was alright. As long as she didn´t dare say anything true. Tad, on the other hand, while she couldn´t share much of her thoughts because he wouldn´t really understand, at least was far more genuine than most of the people surrounding her. There was some convenience for him in their relationship, as people thought they were hooking up everytime they were pictured together, and that help him hide his boyfriend from the media. But Katie did it gladly, knowing she was helping him with his career, and that he actually _cared_ about his career, unlike her. She has suggested him to stop hiding many times, but she found his reluctance understandable.

"Want me to pick you up?"

"Please"

"Ok, I´ll be there babe"

Hanging up, Katie went to her closet. Currently she was wearing just a long t-shirt and no make up, and her hair was still messy from bed. _Time to doll up_, she thought, and the words were painfully accurate.

_**********************************************************************_

_I really, really want to stay home_. Jessie took a look to her surroundings. This hotel room where she had been staying for the past months, could she call it home? But then again, how long had it been since she felt at home anywhere? Since her parents´ divorce, probably, such a long time ago. In one way, she was glad to be away from Evanston, her hometown near Chicago, because then she didn´t have to deal with the disaster that was her family, or what was left of it, anyways. She didn´t have to deal with her father´s authoritarian ways, with her mother´s depression… And she had Eli with her. Eli and his issues, but it was better than no Eli at all.

She understood where her brother came from. Having an strict father who disapproved of their music careers was hard, but he also disapproved of pretty much anything Eli ever did. Jessie, on the other part, at least used to be his father´s pride. She was always regarded as the perfect daughter. And up until choosing to follow her musical inclinations and try a life based on them, her father was always by her side. And she was sure that, although he disliked her being a singer, he loved her and was willing to open her the door of his house if something bad happened. _But if he found out other things about me, I doubt he would be so willing_. Jessie closed her eyes. She couldn´t, wouldn´t allowed herself to think about that matter. It was a concern that wouldn´t escape her mind, but she was determined to focus on anything else… what was she about to do? That party, she remembered. A sight. _I really want to stay here_. 

**********************************************************************

She saw her suddenly, in the far corner on the room, with an untouched drink in her hand. It was barely lit, but her face was so recognizable. Katie had seen it many times, in the booklet of her album, on the covers of magazines, on tv…

"Oh my god, Tad!!! That´s Jessica Sammler!" she said with an excited look, and it wasn´t entirely a product of her consumption earlier that night.

"What? Oh I love her, she sings so well… and she looks so lovely! If I liked women, I would so bang her"

"Let´s go tell her so"

"What? Katie, we´re not going to tell her THAT"

"Why not?"

Giggling like a school girl, Katie hurried her way to where Jessica Sammler was standing, with Tad following her quickly.

"Katie wait!"

But it was too late.

"Hey, you´re incredible! I love your band!"

Jessie was taken aback by the sudden interruption, and felt really awkward. She had recognized the crazy-looking girl inmediatly. Kathryn Singer, the model who was always in some sort of scandal. Why was this girl acting like every one of her demented fans? According to the stories circulating, she was a slut with an erratic behaviour that didn´t care about anything… but she seemed nice.

"Thanks"

Just as Jessie finished mumbling that response, a handsome boy appeared next to her too, looking a bit agitated.

"So, this is my friend Tad, and he has something to tell you"

The boy seemed irritated with her friend, and shoved her shoulder, trying to put her behind him.

"Hi Jessica, my name´s is Tad Pincus and this is Katie Singer…"

From the back, Katie tried to push Tad away, and everything looked confusing.

"We wanted to tell you we really like your music…", he continued.

Jessie listened to him, but all the time her eyes were glued to his model friend. _She is so much more beautiful than in pictures._

Just then, Jessie was shaked from her thoughts by a frenetic Eli.

"Hey…" he said with a slur in his voice. Suddenly, he noticed on Katie. "Do I know you…?" he said with a flirtatious, sloppy manner. His sister looked at him, somehow irritated. "Eli…"

"I´m the guitarrist of Kiev…" he extended his hand toward Katie, in a drunken move, trying to get her attention. Jessie was growing anxious with his attitude, and just then he took a bad step and reclined on her sister. Her full glass fell to the floor, crashing instantly.

"Oh are you hurt?" Katie asked Jessie, having already felt the tension between the two siblings.

"Oh no, no". Doing something very uncharacteristically of her, Jessie took Katie´s arm and led her a few steps away from her brother.

"So, that was your brother, wasn´t it?"

"Yeah, I´m sorry. He´s not being himself tonight"

"That´s okay. I don´t mind it", said Katie winking an eye. And Jessie again felt her anxiety growing.

"Oh, I can tell you, right now, Eli is not what you need"

"Really? Then what is it that I need?", she answered with a charming smile. The question left both of them staring at each other with an intensity that wasn´t quite proper for two strangers. Jessie wasn´t surprised at her own behaviour. After all, Katie was a gorgeous girl, and she could give place to what she was feeling. On the other hand, Katie was feeling rather confused and weird out. However, not so much. Or at least, not enough to run away.

"Well, I know you need another drink", said Katie with a big smile, desperately wanting to break the silence that have fallen over them. There was loud music, bright lights and lots of people around them, but for one minute none of that seemed to exist.

"Ok"

They went to a nearby bar. Jessie didn´t intend to have another drink, she wasn´t really _having _the one that was in her hand in the first place, but she couldn´t help following the other girl. She felt captivated, and she knew why, and she was already chastising herself about it.

"Two vodka and cranberry, please"

Katie realized she was acting… flirty? And she didn´t understood it. Anyway, her mind was at such a foggy state, she couldn´t really make sense of much.

Once their drinks were fetched, Katie passed one of them to Jessie, and she took a long gulp of her own. Jessie just watched her.

"You know, Kiev is like, all I listen these days. I bought your album after listening to the single on the radio. It was funny, because I was on my car, and I just stopped at the first music store looking for it… and I haven´t stopped listening since then…" She paused to take another gulp of her drink. "Whenever I can´t sleep, I put it on my ipod, and it really helps me…" her face contorted, horrified for a second, before continuing "not that´s boring, you know… it just helps me relax"

Jessie just nodded the whole time, having never seen anything as cute as the babbling girl in front of her, and she wondered if it was one of traits, or it was just due to her inebriated state.

She was enjoying the sight too much, but at that moment Tad reappeared. In a way, Jessie was thankful, because maybe he was saving her from saying or doing something embarrassing.

"Look, let me borrow Katie for a moment… the party is over there! Come!"

"Wait!" It was Katie turned to shout. Too late, Tad was already dragging her to the dance floor, away from the blonde girl. The rhythm was intoxicating, and Katie soon found herself following it. The movement made the toxins in her body start to kick in, and all she wanted to do was feel the white lights hitting her pupils. Time to forget about everything else. _She had lost control, and she loved the feeling_.

**********************************************************************

The previous night was pretty eventful, or so were the tabloids reporting. On the front page of most magazines, there was a picture of Kathrin Singer passed out, drunk and drugged out of her mind, being carried by her bodyguards.

Dropping one of the magazines to the floor of her bedroom, Katie reassumed her wating for the calls from her agency. Her body felt so heavy and tired. And yet, her mind didn´t feel so heavy. She had this strange sense of… what? Something have changed last night, she knew that. Something about her. It was another wild night of partying, but there was this thing imprinted in her memory. Something happened in just a few minutes. Smiling for no reason, she remembered Jessica Sammler´s face. Wipping other thoughts out of her mind, she tried to focus on the obvious. She has met like, her favourite singer in the world. _At least I get something good out of this dumb job._

Now she wanted to check something, she wasn´t sure exactly what. Katie went to a her cd tower, near her bed, and put out an album. There it was, Jessica´s face. Her blue eyes. Those eyes bored deep inside of her, stirring everything. Katie felt herself starting to get dizzy. Shaking her head, she lied on her bed. She must be still feeling sick from the night before. Once again, she remembered Jessica´s voice. The first time she heard it, on the radio, she thought it was the most beautiful thing she hade ever heard. That adjetive, beautiful. It was the only adjetive she could associate with the name of Jessica… and there it was again. Her fear.

**********************************************************************

Katie knew what she did was wrong, but didn´t she always know? Of course, and it wasn´t an obstacle. Jason at least was cute, and a good guy, which couldn´t be said about most men she had had sex with. And this time, she had a good motivation to her acts, not just a quest for some sort of non-existent relief. Or so she kept saying to herself. However, and she laid next to her co-worker at the agency, his breath coming peaceful, she didn´t feel better at all. To the contrary, she felt maybe even cheaper than usually at those times. She couldn´t sleep, and she was exhausted. Jason was demanding and even a bit rought, in a good way, but her tiredness wasn´t just about that. She was fed up with her lack of… of what? Of something to look forward too? Yes, that too. But there was something else she was lacking of, and she couldn´t put a name to it. She didn´t want to think anymore, she just wanted to sleep. She changed her position, giving her back to Jason. Nothing. Looking at her nightstand, she knew there was something that would help her. She extended her fingers toward her ipod. Just when she was about to reach it, she dropped her arm by her side again.


	4. Loveless

**Title: ****WHITE GARDENIAS**

**Pairing:** J/K obviously!

**Rating:** NC-17. Yeah it´s gonna get ugly

**Feedback:** more please! I´d like to know if my writing is not too bad (as I said before, English´s not my first language)

**Disclamer:** I own nothing, obviously

**Chapter 3: Loveless**

She wasn´t used to this feeling, definitely. At her hotel room, standing in front of her closet, Jessie Sammler couldn´t make up her mind. She wasn´t the type of girl who would care about clothes, usually she just put on whatever felt comfortable. Tonight, though, was different. Being the music star of the moment, she was invited to yet another party. She wouldn´t have attended, of course, if she didn´t have a certain hope consuming her mind.

All that week, her thoughts were a big contradiction. _I really don´t need another hopeless crush. _She was starting to give up. She simply couldn´t stop remembering Katie Singer. What were her chances with her? None, Jessie was sure. And moreover, if she _had_ a chance, what would she do? Did she really wanted to have a chance? She was too scared of herself, and for herself, too.

Anyways, none of that mattered to Jessie right then. There was a great possibility of Katie being present at the party tonight. So, there was only one thing that mattered at that moment… _What should I wear? _

*************************************************************************

_So much people! It´s gonna be imposible to find her. But I guess that´s better for me._ As soon as she entered the party, Jessie wanted to leave. The atmosphere was suffocating. She made her way through masses of people, saying hi here and there, and not really caring about any of the celebrities she saw in the corner of her eyes. Finally, she reached a quiet spot, and decided to sit there, scanning the crowd.

"Jessica!" She recognized the voice a few seconds later.

"Oh, hi!"

"It´s such a pleasure to find you here" The man took a sit beside her. He was a music producer that she had met recently, and he was actually an interesting and kind person. They both stayed chatting for a good amount of time. While sipping her water, however, Jessie tried to spot someone else… and failing in her mission. _Where is she?_

Her conversation with the producer, and some friends of him who joined later, was a good one, but Jessie was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable because of the smoke and all the noise. She excused herself, needing some room to breathe_. She didn´t come tonight_,was her conclusion. She would leave soon, she thought. However, she saw an entrance to a balcony not far, and decided to go there for a while. Entering, she realized it was a small place, dimly lit, with only some chairs and a sofa. There was a dark figure lying on the sofa. She took a step backwards, but then she noticed something familiar about the figure.

"Katie?" There she was, sprawled on the sofa, passed out.

"Katie! Oh my god, can you hear me?" Jessie shoved her shoulder gently. "Oh my god…"

Suddenly a bunch of guys came onto her. "What are you doing? She´s with us"

"Sorry, I just found her, she doesn´t…"

An obviously out-of-it young man yelled at her, "Get the fuck away! I´m taking her away" Another one said, "Hey don´t talk to her like that…"

Feeling irritated and confused, and very worried about Katie, Jessie took her phone out and called her bodyguard. After asking him to come, she turned to the guys. "What did she took? Tell me! Please." But they just shrugged their shoulders.

Her bodyguard arrived, and at the same time, another person arrived too.

"Oh my god, I´ve been looking for her!" It was Tad. Jessie recognized him from the other night, and said to him, trusting him more than the others, "Should we take her to the hospital?"

"Jessica?", he asked, slightly surprised. "No, she´ll be okay. She´s been worse, I assure you. But she´s out for tonight"

"She doesn´t respond… I think it would be best to take her to the hospital. Look, I´ll take her, I came with my bodyguard. He can carry her."

"No! She´ll be fine! Really!"

Jessie couldn´t understand how Tad was so intent on not taking her friend to a doctor, and her perplexity and growing anger were showing in her face, apparently.

"Look, I´m doing this for her sake. Katie doesn´t need to appear in tabloids entering a hospital, again. They´ll trash her, who knows what they will come out with. Let´s just get her home"

Not feeling conviced at all, Jessie took a deep breath.

"Does she live with someone?"

"No"

"Well, then let me take her to my hotel room. I´ll keep an eye on her, she can´t be alone in this condition", Jessie said on impulse. She was just acting on her concern, and Tad saw the sincerity in Jessie´s eyes.

With Tad´s and the bodyguard´s help, they managed to sneak the unconscious Katie through another entrance, at the back, so the paparazzi wouldn´t snap her picture.

**********************************************************************

"Hi, are you Katie Singer´s assistant? I´m a friend of hers… look, I brought her to my place because she wasn´t feeling well at the party tonight… she´ll be fine, she´s just resting. I wanted to let you know, so nobody has to worry… ok, yes, thank you. Bye."

Jessie couldn´t know that her phone call was totally unnecessary. Katie´s team would have just assumed she went home with somebody at the party, in case they tried to contact their star the next morning and couldn´t find her.

Her bodyguard had driven the girls and Tad to Jessie´s hotel, and left them at her room. He carried Katie and, after Jessie nodded to him, put her on her bed.

"So, this is my number. Call me if you need something…"

"Ok"

Tad left too, and Jessie took a chair and sat near the bed, getting ready to look after Katie. She was deeply asleep, her breath coming quietly. Jessie watched her in the barely lit room. She had left just one light on, and it illuminated Katie´s skin with a soft glow. Jessie couldn´t believe how smooth and perfect her skin looked, her hair, her chiseled features… and she ached to touch her. As she stared at her, the want and need she felt were almost overwhelming. But she pushed those thoughts aside, as she had been doing for all her life.

It was early in the afternoon when Katie eyelids fluttered opened. She felt lost for a moment. And now, where was she? She looked to her sides, expecting to find someone lying next to her, even though she was fully clothed. But barefoot, she noticed. _Ok. So someone cared enough to take off my shoes._ And then she saw a blonde head resting somewhere in her vicinity. There was a girl sitting awkwardly in a chair next to the bed, with her head resting between her own arms on the bed. She inmediatly recognized her. _Jessica Sammler. Jessie._ Feeling a headache starting to form, she got up on her elbows, considering waking Jessie up. But first, she got a good look of her. She was so pale and delicate looking, she couldn´t help but feel some sort of tenderness. That, and a weird relief in her heart. She decided to take it as just gladness she´s not naked next to a stranger... not that Jessie´s wasn´t a stranger, because she had just met her once. And not like she cared about who she woke up next to before. Still, she couldn´t shake the feelings Jessie was evoking in her… tenderness, relief, and an inherent trust.

She didn´t need to wake up Jessie, because a few minutes later she did it by herself.

"Katie. Hey. How are you?", she said while rubbing her eyes. There was no way she could explain the excitement of seeing Katie near her as she woke up.

"I´m, I´m ok…"

"I must have fallen asleep, I´m sorry… I was supposed to look after you", said Jessie feeling her cheeks getting hot.

"Are you, are you thirsty? Or hungry? You must be." She tried to get up from the chair, intended on fixing something for Katie, but she stopped when a hand closed on her wrist. Katie´s hand didn´t move away for a moment, and she became painfully aware of it.

"I don´t think my stomach can take anything right now. But thank you." Katie said, and added in a whisper, her eyes boring into Jessie´s, "Thank you for everything. It must have been awful for you". She didn´t know how she ended up in what she supposed was Jessie´s room.

"What happened?" she asked then, releasing Jessie´s wrist.

_She doesn´t remember anything. Great, _Jessie thought, worried. This brought her bad memories of her brother.

"I just found you passed out and got you here, for your safety" She paused for a moment, and asked Katie in a softer voice, "So, you should tell me… what happened last night?". Katie looked at her for a moment, and then averted her eyes. "I´m sorry, I have no right to intrude… I´ll just…"

"No, wait" Katie interrupted her. "It´s ok. Was Tad there?"

"Yes. I wanted to take you to the hospital, but he didn´t let me, because of the paparazzi. There were a lot of them at the front door. We managed to get you out without them noticing us, but then they followed the car all the way to the hotel. Thank god for the dark windows." Jessie paused, and then continued, "I was very worried. I didn´t like seeing you like that."

"You shouldn´t… you shouldn´t worry… I´m not a big drug user" It was strange how she felt so at ease talking to a person she barely knew. "I´ve just tried sometimes. And I´m not gonna lie, it felt good. But I don´t want to reach the point where I can´t turn back." _I don´t want to change so much. I´ve already changed a lot, and I don´t know if that´s good._

Feeling that Katie wasn´t finished with what she needed to say, Jessie just looked at her with a soft gaze.

"It´s just, it´s so available for people like us, you know?"

"What do you mean?" Jessie said. _Eli._

"Sometimes I think, I don´t know how many models at the agency are into drugs. I can´t say for sure, but... You get it?"

"Yeah. It´s the same thing in music"

"Hey, I´m curious. You´re like, my age. How did you get into this whole thing? Recording an album, perfoming at all these big concerts…"

"It´s all thanks to my brother"

"Elias. He was with you the night I met you, wasn´t it?"

"Yes" _Of course she remembers him…_ "He had a band since he was in high school... he is older than me. They used to perform at the local clubs, at Evanston. Did I tell you I´m from Chicago?"

"No, you didn´t! But I read it on the Internet. I´m from a small town too"

"Sometimes I sang with them, at their gigs. I wasn´t trying to get famous or anything, I just did it because I liked it. And then one day, an executive from our actual music company was there, and we were offered a contract. We couldn´t believe our luck. After that, things kind of developed on their own". _But it has been hard, to deal with everything…_

"Oh, but it wasn´t luck. You, I mean Kiev, is… is real talent you got there, not another plastic band. I don´t get how you can be so mainstream. Usually people don´t have such good taste", Katie said chuckling. Jessie laughed too, but didn´t add anything. She just kept staring at Katie´s green eyes. _She must think I´m a weirdo by now, but I can´t help myself_. After a moment, feeling strangely at ease, Katie stated from her spot on the bed, "So you came into this by casuality, not because you intended too. Kind of like myself. Except I don´t have anything special to show", she said smiling, and waited a moment before asking, "Do you feel like you fit anywhere in this... show business thing or whatever it´s called?".

At that, Jessie opened her mouth, but closed not knowing what to say, a bit disconcerted.

"Is that a totally rude question to ask?... I think that was a totally rude question to ask" "No, no… but the answer is… definitely not. But I love to sing, that´s why I´m still into this", Jessie finally answered.

"I don´t know why I thought I could ask that. Maybe because I kind of knew the answer." Katie said, shrugging her shoulders.

"What do you mean? You fit into this business. I´ve seen your pictures, I´ve read your stories. You´re always at the events, talking to like, a hundred different people", Jessie said, feeling somewhat intimidated by those thoughts.

"A hundred different people talk to me. And I don´t have a clue about what they say, anyways." Katie laughed again, but it was a sad laugh.

Jessie averted her gaze. Her conversation with Katie was taking unexpected turns. Or maybe, she was expecting this. Yeah, she was expecting this connection they seemed to have, and she was both loving and dreading it. She wanted to go to some safe subject, but she couldn´t think of anything…

"How did you get into modeling?"

"Oh, it was last year. I was walking down the street and someone asked me to work for my actual agency"

"That was… easy", said Jessie with a smile. _I can see why you were so easy to spot._

"You know, it´s just a job. It´s just for now" Katie shrugged her shoulders.

"Really? You have other plans?"

"Well, I don´t, but…" she said laughing, but her laugh sounded sad. "It´s like, I don´t know where I´m going with this modeling thing. Nowhere, probably. But I can´t think of an alternative"

Jessie looked at Katie while she was talking, and felt a tremendous energy coming from her. _No wonder she´s so out of control. She has all this…passion_, thought Jessie, her face reddening quickly, _and no focus at all._

"I don´t have any talents, like you do" Katie said, not a hint of jealousy of bitterness in her voice, just a deep admiration. How deep that admiration run, she couldn´t tell.

"I think you could learn anything"

"I tried college, but I just wasn´t cut for it. Too many rules"

_Well, maybe that´s exactly what you are suffering. Your lack of rules_, Jessie realized. And then she remembered one day at therapy, back at Evanston…

**Dr. Rosenfeld looked at her square in the eyes. "Jessie, if this kid is bulling you so much…" **

"**He is! And I don´t know what to do about it! Now the whole school is talking about me being some… some anorexic freak", she said, lowering her voice to a whisper.**

"**Well, people tend to do this. I´m sure you´re not the only one he has annoyed"**

"**I´m not. He does it to everybody. It´s like, he has no boundaries, he would do anything to get attention"**

"**When people behave like that, pushing other people´s limits, not following rules… usually they´re compensating"**

"**For what?"**

"**It´s very logical to think they have been ignored and loveless for a long time, don´t you think?"**

Jessie continued looking at Katie, fascinated by her appearance as much as for her talk. _Your lack of… love?_


End file.
